my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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