I'm so fucking centered right now
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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