Hippo gnu deer
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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