my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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