well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
