So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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