before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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