then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
