Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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