so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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