You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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