Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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