his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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