rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
