Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
