And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
