i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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