It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I love having hate sex.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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