Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Randomize
