i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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