He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
