I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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