id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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