so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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