grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
