I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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