Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
