i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she smelled like a LAN party
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
