I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
