My Higher Power is John Stamos
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize