woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
