I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
