stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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