Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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