Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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