Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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