he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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