it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
