On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
cat food counts as protein by the way
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
