Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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