before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
