we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
