The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
