my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
