I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
