I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
