he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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