i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
