Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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