I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
