Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
