I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
