just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
