Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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