New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
soo... how was my night?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
