I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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