i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
