You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
