There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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