Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
