SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
