his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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