Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
