Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
