so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
