why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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