I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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