what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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