i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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