I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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