Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
