I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
