Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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