like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
