Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
