woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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