Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
