6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're too hungover to prance.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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