As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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