If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
