My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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