I need to stop coming to work sober
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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