I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
