Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
