Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
