I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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