p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm like, not good at living.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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