All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Randomize
