Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
