Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
love makes seman taste better
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
