whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
