she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
did i walk over a car last night?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
