I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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