Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
