I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
