i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize