Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
