I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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