I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
