Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
