the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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