Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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