thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
