i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So many bounce houses so little time
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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