3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
