hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
