we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
