I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
In America we eat man semen.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize